As you may or may not have heard today, the city of Seoul, South Korea is rolling out a $700 million initiative to make the city more “female-friendly,” including such practical solutions as more nursery facilities for working moms, and installing special cushy sidewalk treatments to make walking in high heels easier! (…) But the most impressively patronizing piece of infrastructure involves “women-only” public parking spaces, designated by pink outlines and a miniskirt symbol, which are to be longer and wider than normal parking spots, in an effort to account for crazy woman driver park jobs.
Here are some other female-friendly road constructions we demand Stateside, to combat our heinous War on Women:
1. Replace 51% of “STOP” signs with “STOP CHECKING YOUR INSTAGRAM, NO ONE FAV’D THAT PICTURE YOU TOOK OF YOU AND YOUR NEW SUNGLASSES IN YOUR REARVIEW MIRROR YET” signs.
2. Link our license plate numbers to Facebook so that our red light camera dance party videos automatically upload.
3. New right-of-way laws that give women the right of way when merging at all times, in all places, in all directions, on the very verge of demanding men read our minds to know when we plan on suddenly veering into a neighboring lane. Because that blind spot shit is stressful and exits can sneak up on a sister.
4. North/South/East/West signage at every single intersection so that we can find our way again when we get turned around trying to find side street parking. WHO CAN REMEMBER HOW MANY RIGHT TURNS SHE’S MADE IN THIS UNSTABLE POLITICAL CLIMATE?
5. A specially designated lane for women who need to apply lipstick while driving.
6. Drive-thru windows especially for menstruating/menopausal/pregnant/nursing women. You really don’t want to get between us and our double tall half-caf black and white macchiatos.
7. Re: Distance between rest stop intervals, MORE BATHROOMS MORE PEACE.