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Fake Gossip Roundup!

This week's best celebrity gossip from the most well-connected inanimate objects!

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In addition to writing for The Maude, I am also the internet’s most reliable source of celebrity gossip at The Frevele Reveille. However, my sources are all inanimate objects. But don’t think they are without some seriously insane stories to tell about Hollywood’s hottest famous people! Here is a roundup of what I’ve heard:

An American flag mug is coming forward to challenge Captain America: The Winter Soldier star Chris Evans to a fistfight! Why? Apparently, the mug wants to see what the star-spangled man with a plan is made of!

In related news, Evans’ co-star Scarlett Johansson might be building a panic room in her home for the sole purpose of creating her own volcanos! This, according to a lint brush that is reportedly hiding in the actress’s laundry room and no longer speaking to the press.

A bathroom tile from the home of Benedict Cumberbatch says the acclaimed actor is actually pretty gross and inconsiderate. Manners, Benedict!

This week, Oscar-winner Lupita Nyong’o made the cover of People magazine’s “Most Beautiful” issue, but the sorry state of her former lip balm will shock you!

Apparently, Jennifer Aniston has finally had it — she’s going to outer space to find love, if a local screwdriver is to be believed.

And finally, Ryan Seacrest might be dead.

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