Uber has introduced a new “Safe Ride Fee” for its gypsy cab service UberX, which is apparently in place to ensure things like that you won’t get sexually assaulted or stalked by your Uber driver. In other words: a rape fee. Literally: the only rape charge that will ever stick in America.
But we shouldn’t be disparaging Uber for initiating such a fee. Women have been paying hidden charges on common transactions for years. We should be celebrating Uber for their transparency in admitting that they care about our safety and want us to pay for ensuring it!
Here are a few hidden fees that women pay EVERY DAY, which we think should come out of the closet along with Uber’s Rape Fee:
1. The eating alone at Taco Bell fee. It makes everyone around you sad, and thus, is detrimental to the diners’ experience. Like bringing a baby along to a fine dining restaurant.
2. A safety deposit built into your monthly Metro card cost in case you get your period on a train bench. (Those pathogens cost more to disinfect than pee puddles and poop piles.)
3. The extra 23 cents on the dollar men are making over you. That’s not an inequality as much as it is a fee to offset the paid leave you take to have a baby, while your employer also has to pay a temp to cover your workflow, plus it pays for your dwindling productivity with all the extra bathroom breaks you’re taking.
4. A winter hibernation tax on razors. For the four months of winter where you quit shaving because all you wear is tights and pants. This tax increases yearly due to climate change and the longer, colder winters.
5. lululemon pants. They’re so expensive because there’s a fee built in to heal the trauma employees experience gawking at your bloat.
6. Personal upkeep tax. This is built into the costs of spending more to wear makeup because it “appears more professional,” paying to dye and style your long, graying hair to maintain a youthful vibrance, and investing in a versatile wardrobe when all men have to buy is pants.
Thank you, Uber, for bravely paving everyone’s way.