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How You Actually Felt When You Ran Into Your Ex

Because we all know that "good -- you know, just working a lot" was a bold-faced lie.

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Exes are like children: they shouldn’t be seen or heard or even remembered, unless they are bringing you sacrificial offerings and apologizing for peeing their pants in public that one time. To think that an ex could have the audacity to still be alive and breathing and capable of loving (as made clear by the girlfriend they are sporting on their arm), none of which should be the case since they are no longer with you.

When it comes to socializing with an ex, there are only two rules: 1. instead of your quotidian gorgeousness, make sure you’re drop-dead gorgeous, and 2. be so effortlessly witty and smart and flippant that your ex lies prostrate at your feet while you laugh joyfully from a throne (metaphorical or otherwise). Or just hope they look worse than you do and have a terrible opening line like “Cheese is on sale!”

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