Being a lady on the Internet isn’t all empowering and inspirational Twitter hashtags, leaving comments on Dolly Parton music videos, and panic scrolling through WebMD articles that assure you an ingrown hair on your thigh doesn’t count as herpes simplex 2: there is a whole multitude of anxieties and dangers that a web-saavy gurl2.0.com must navigate. Yes, there are rape threats; death threats; kidnapping threats; cybersecurity threats; threats of telling your mom that you’ve been frequenting chatrooms pretending to be Celine Dion’s younger, more talented sister (again); rape suggestions; rape inceptions; rape pledges; a whole party platter of different, offensive ways to use the word “rape”; but one of the most surprising and insidious monsters in the Internet dark is the think piece on pubic hair. The grooming war has pitted sister against sister, divided an entire nation across the bikini line. It takes a courageous warrior to wade into these hot, waxy waters of discussion — we all remember what happened to the headquarters of the short-lived interest blog MyBurningBush.com. To think that a group of otherwise level-headed female Gillette employees would leave the building a smoldering wreckage all the while chanting “I’m your Venus, I’m your fire”… O! The irony!
Despite the incredible danger she now faces, Janeane Garofalo spoke out on our hair down there. Watch the below clip from A Night at Whiplash, Splitsider’s cinematic snapshot of the UCB Theater’s popular weekly standup show, to see what your favorite curmudgeonly comic has to say about your preferred mode of intimate grooming: