RuPaul famously declared that in order to be a diva, you better work. Unfortunately, that sounds more fun than it actually is and, despite ample amounts of working, some ladies just don’t achieve diva status. In this series, we analyze the lives of some notable women to discover why they never quite lived up to their full diva potential.
Who Is She: United States Poet Laureate
Astrological Sign: Virgo
Diva-Like Qualities: It goes without saying that Poet Laureate is definitively the most diva job one can have. If you disagree, please note that these people have been selected by the government to emote on our behalves. Dove is also an avid ballroom dancer.
What Kept Her From Becoming A True Diva: She’s a frequent guest on Garrison Keillor’s Prairie Home Companion.
Who Is She: A brilliant German composer whose shitty dad basically wouldn’t let her pursue her destiny of greatness because she was a woman.
Astrological Sign: Scorpio
Diva-Like Qualities: Basically ladies weren’t allowed to be as boss at the piano as she was in the 1800′s but she was like LOL CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER MY MELODIOUS SLAYINGS. She once wrote a piece of music for each month of the year which I can only interpret as meaning she had a divine connection to the lunar calendar.
What Kept Her From Becoming A True Diva: When she was thirteen, she memorized twenty-four Bach preludes which would have been really dope but it was for her father’s birthday. Yes, that father. The one who wouldn’t let her realize her full potential. She owed him nothing. NOTHING. Do not kiss the hand that holds you back, Fanny.