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MTV(other)’s Josh and Josh Answer Your Dating Questions

You're just a girl, standing in front of two boys, asking them when you should text your hookup and to please stop looking at your breasts.

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Hi, we’re MTV(other)’s Josh and Josh. We invited ourselves to write for this women’s web site because we have TONS of advice on what you care about most, besides yourselves: dating. We are expert dudes because we’ve been dudes for twenty-two years and we know what men want because we are men. So ask us questions! Or ask us if you can buy us like a remote controlled car and a six pack. The answer is yes. And be sure to watch our web series “Two Guys Named Josh” on Mtvother.com.

Hey Joshes,
It’s my boyfriend’s birthday soon and we’ve only been dating two months. What would be a cool gift to give him?
- Brooke, 31, Los Angeles

Josh I: Oh! Tickets. Like to a game. Cuz first and foremost, you want to give him something that doesn’t involve you. A sporting game. Where there’s booze. And cheerleaders. You hate those things, so he can take the other ticket and go with his best friend. And you can get a manicure.

Josh B: The gift of an afternoon with a friend is the best gift you can give him. Or a cozy sweater, but NOT a hand-me-down. A sweater he can sleep in.

Josh I: Have you ever done it in a car with him? I would like car sex for my birthday. The best place to have sex in a car is the parking lot of a nursing home.

Josh B: I want a big cupcake for my birthday. With layers and my name on it. Can you bake him one?

Josh I: If his name is Dick though, don’t put his name on it, because then he may think it’s a big dick-flavored cupcake.

Josh B: Which is the second worst flavor.

Dear Joshes,
I went out with a great guy last week, but he hasn’t called me again. I thought we really hit it off! How long should I wait to reach out to him?
-Joanna, 24, Brooklyn

Josh I: Have you considered that you were so boring that he faked his own death? If not, do that first.

Josh B: Yeah, text him to see if he’s okay. Waiting a year is too long. That’s what I’ve learned.

Josh I: Yo, Josh, remember when you waited a year to call back that person who was watching your dog and now you don’t have a dog anymore?

Josh B: I miss Barky.

Josh I: I don’t. He was farty and needy. We were just too similar to get along.

Josh B: I liked when he licked his balls.

Josh I: What?

Josh B: What was the question?

Josh I: Oh, right. If you HAVE to text him because you’re crazy and already in love with him or whatever, text him this: (.) (.)

Josh B: Or this: (======3

Josh I: You’re welcome.

For more from the Joshes, click here. If you have a dating question that you’d like to ask the Joshes, send it to submissions@themaude.com with the subject line “Help Me, Josh and Josh!”

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