TRUTH: This woman’s allergies will make her feel drunk and look like she’s been crying into a pillow for hours.
TRUTH: This woman has been sticking to “eat nothing-taste everything” for two months and is fantasizing about eating her sunglasses. (They taste like a cannoli!)
TRUTH: This woman is so afraid of the toilets she’s going to encounter on her tropical vacation that she constantly thinks she’s stepping in puddles of human urine.
TRUTH: As she boarded her train to the Hamptons, this woman lost her footing on the shoes that made her legs look so amazing and crushed her toes on something metal. She did not watch the gap. Her entire trip sucked.
TRUTH: This woman has been freezing in this car for an hour. She will now step outside and immediately begin sweating balls. This moment is the last moment she will look this good. Leave her to mourn.
TRUTH: This woman wandered away from her awesome beach party after five too many rum drinks and is now dead from dehydration and an infected sandal blister.
But summer is great, you guys! Just don’t ever leave the house and pretend it’s still April!