4 Comments

Why Is This Woman Failing at Meditation?

A tale of technology and the mind.

failing-meditation

Jessica just wanted to be able to clear her mind of all the wanton clutter that had been making her feel like she was living in a cyclone of stress and distraction. Many of her friends had told her to try meditation, but she was just so easily flustered and fidgety that she just didn’t trust that it would work. She should have never let Google put that Bug in her ear.

Google’s newest mechanical computing invention, the Bug, was small enough to be implanted inside someone’s ear and close enough to their brain that it could read human thoughts. It had been in beta for a few months when Jessica, strapped for cash and on the verge of selling her eggs, decided to let herself be a part of the human user trials. The procedure was quick and mostly painless — like LASIK — and would give her the ability to post to all of her social media accounts. The only downside was that her posts would also be subject to the invisible whims of online marketers and advertisers.

And so, Jessica found herself using the Bug incorrectly. She hadn’t figured out how to merely have thoughts without posting them to Facebook, so every single thought that popped into her head was attracting ads.

A clear, blue sky, free from any clouds… NEED MORE DISK SPACE?

An endless ocean, waves crashing with the sounds of my breath… YOU CAN DIE FROM SLEEP APNEA! SLEEP APNEA SOLUTIONS CLICK HERE

Nothing but a transparent being, free from tension… ARE YOU STRESSED? TRY THIS ALL-NEW HERBAL STRESS RELIEF

Her own mind was driving her crazy, and there was nothing she could do to stop the ads from coming. Jessica finally let out one primal scream. In the midst of her guttural release, she felt the Bug glitch and short-circuit, and a subtle electric zap fried her brain.

Jessica dropped dead in the grassy, serene field. But her mind was finally clear.

Filed Under |
© 2014 The Maude   |   About UsAdvertiseNewsletterJobsPrivacyUser AgreementDisclaimerContact  RSSGoogle+

Dan Abrams, Founder
  1. Mediaite
  2. Gossip Cop
  3. Styleite
  4. SportsGrid
  5. The Mary Sue
  6. The Maude
  7. The Braiser