You Can’t Change Him: The Winter Soldier

Don't believe the sullen act. Don't bang this guy.

Captain-America-The-Winter-SoldierI’ve dropped into my bad Pinterest habits again recently and was not surprised to see all the Tumblr-borne posts crushing all over the hot mess that is the Winter Soldier aka James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes from Marvel’s Captain America movies. Kids, this has bad news written all over it. Let me school you, show you the ropes, sometimes in snappy, 1940s-style lingo:

Issue #1: The emo act

winter-soldier-emoBoo-freaking-hoo. Unless you like it when he cries and takes a picture of it, then locks himself in his bedroom to write another shitty song because you seemed “indifferent.”

Issue #2: Kind of a show-off

winter-soldier-catchOh. Fancy.

Issue #3: Forgot his best friend’s face, will definitely forget to call, amirite?

cap2-fightIssue #4: Terrible at eye makeup. Even worse than you.


Issue #5: This guy has been frozen for a portion of a century, on and off. Get ready to lay out all of your money.


So, aside from being a homicidal, brainwashed Soviet pawn with a bionic arm and tragic personal history (and also a work of fiction), the Winter Soldier should probably spend some time with a therapist before spending any time with you. Cry me a river, pretty boy.


Filed Under |
© 2014 The Maude   |   About UsAdvertiseNewsletterJobsPrivacyUser AgreementDisclaimerContact  RSSGoogle+

Dan Abrams, Founder
  1. Mediaite
  2. Gossip Cop
  3. Styleite
  4. SportsGrid
  5. The Mary Sue
  6. The Maude
  7. The Braiser