I’ve dropped into my bad Pinterest habits again recently and was not surprised to see all the Tumblr-borne posts crushing all over the hot mess that is the Winter Soldier aka James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes from Marvel’s Captain America movies. Kids, this has bad news written all over it. Let me school you, show you the ropes, sometimes in snappy, 1940s-style lingo:
Issue #1: The emo act
Issue #2: Kind of a show-off
Issue #3: Forgot his best friend’s face, will definitely forget to call, amirite?
Issue #4: Terrible at eye makeup. Even worse than you.
Issue #5: This guy has been frozen for a portion of a century, on and off. Get ready to lay out all of your money.
So, aside from being a homicidal, brainwashed Soviet pawn with a bionic arm and tragic personal history (and also a work of fiction), the Winter Soldier should probably spend some time with a therapist before spending any time with you. Cry me a river, pretty boy.